Aches and pains

I know about growing pains. But really, this is ridiculous.

I'm currently suffering – from general flu, a bad sore throat, badly-situated ulcers and to top it all off, my tooth is actually hurting like a motherfucker. I'm unsure if it's because I drank too much hot tea, or whether it's just the cherry on the cake, to top off my fully degenerating health. Oh, and the joints in my foot are hurting too – again I'm not sure if it's from walking in heels, or just plain arthritis.

Either way, it's not great. And I've got to go to work tomorrow. When the real work I should be doing is work on my dissertation which I have painfully avoided the last few weeks on the pretext that I'm working full-time, hence too tired for anything else.

Working at this particular Sunday national newspaper is proving not too fruitful. I really don't mean to sound ungrateful, but I think I've done enough time in 'work experience' – and I'm currently fully qualified with a job waiting for me, so it's just a bit much going through that whole experience of doing 'bibs and bobs', coming up with great ideas, only not to be given a byline for it, or expected to behave like they've done you the greatest favour ever to be bestowed on you in humankind history. I'm honestly, worth more than that.

Which makes me even more sorry for myself that I'll have to go to work tomorrow morning. And make inane calls, while nursing a full blown bad throat.

At times like these, I know I should think about third-world countries, and all the poverty and strife in the world – then I'll feel really blessed and lucky. And I know underneath I do... but hey, ranting is therapeutic sometimes.

I want to jump forward in time, to when I have my own desk in my newsroom and am furiously working on my own stories which I know I'll get a byline for. When I've got there, I promise to myself I won't be mean to interns, or try to steal their bylines. But I'm sure every journalist that starts off, goes through the whole initiating process... and swears at the base treatment and exploitation they have to grim and bear at the lowest rung of the ladder... later go on to forget what they've gone through when they've reached a comfortable level... then only think it right that they torture entry-level rookies like they once were, just so they feel avenged for what they had to go through. Somebody needs to break the cycle.

I also want to jump forward in time, to when I finally have a place to call my home. No more living out of suitcases, living at dodgy areas, living with a house full of blokes or living at strange people's houses. I want to be able to come home, see J every day, chill out, listen to my music and be in my zone. I'm not being too boring, am I?

I want to jump forward in time, to when I've finally finished my dissertation and I no longer have anything hanging over my head, and no longer have to feel guilty about doing nothing and having fun.

Most of all, I want to jump forward in time. So that this stupid sore throat will just be over and done with – so I can join Lynne in eating all the yummy (and extremely unhealthy) chocolates and biscuits (which she is doing right in front of me now) and just resume my healthy eating appetitite. Yes, I want to stuff my face. I want to do nothing. I want to get my own home. I want to start work properly full-time (it's a lie). And I want to be freeeeeeeeee!